


Unconventional Hiding Places

by DCJoKeRHS



Series: IronFam [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Gen, May Parker is Elsewhere, May Parker is Only Just Trusting Tony to Parent Her Kid, May Parker is alive, No dead May Parker, Peter Parker Has A Lot Of Parents, Peter Parker Has a Family, Precious Peter Parker, Stephen Strange Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19255336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCJoKeRHS/pseuds/DCJoKeRHS
Summary: Or the 5 times Peter Intentionally Hid somewhere Unconventional and the 1 time it Wasn't Intentional.





	Unconventional Hiding Places

**1: A Lab drawer**

Tony looks at the large mass of webfluids enveloping what _had_ been his most recent Ironman gauntlet.

Like it was covering _the entire room_.

“FRIDAY, where’s Peter?” he asks, sighing.

“In your lab, Boss,” she says.

“ _I’m_ in my lab!” Tony says, looking round, “What do you _mean_ he’s in here?!”

“He’s hiding, Boss.”

“Uh-huh, and where would that be?”

“The drawers, where the blueprints are kept.”

Tony raises a brow, intrigue obvious in tired eyes and a soft smile.

“Accidents happen, clever brat,” he hums, looking at the long drawers designed specifically to store the larger motherboards and so he can leave his rarely-done _on paper_ blueprints without having to roll them up.

Heading over, Tony calmly tugs the drawer out, revealing a webfluid-coated, worried-looking Peter Parker.

“Uh…” Peter attempts.

Tony’s smile turns into a _grin_.

“Hello, sticky!” he greets, “I see you had a bit of an _accident_.”

“I-I didn’t mean to!” Peter says, rolling out of the drawer and onto his feet, “I just added a bit to much of the first mix in ‘cause I wanted to see whether I could correct it or make something new with it, and it seemed fine, so I loaded it up and… Uh…”

“Let me guess, something similar to the laser on the boat?” Tony smirks.

Peter shakes his head.

“It exploded right out of the cartridge.”

Tony _cackles_ , tilting his head back in a full-bodied laugh.

“Well, enjoy doing clean up! I’m gonna go talk with Brucie-Bear!” Tony says, heading for the door.

“Wait‒ Mr Stark!” Peter squeaks, hurrying to follow, though Tony’s already at the door by then.

“Don’t forget to have a shower, too!” Tony says, Peter faceplanting the doors just after they’d closed…

 

**2: Peter’s Locker**

Peter was curled up as tight as can be, dread churning in his stomach.

It was the Parent-Teacher day.

And _guess who’s turn it was_!!

“He’s right over there, Dr Strange!” Ned says, Peter feeling ready to crawl out of his skin.

_Please don’t look, please don’t look…_

“Huh? He’s not here…” Steve says, though through the slits in his locker, Peter could already see Stephen noticing he was there, already.

“Do either of you know his locker-code?” Stephen asks.

“Uh, yeah, sometimes I have to get Peter’s books ‘cause Flash is being an idiot and won’t stop harassing Peter because he thinks he’s lying about his internship and stuff.”

“Flash?” Stephen asks.

“Uhhh… I don’t think Peter wanted me to say about that…” Ned says, keying in the code.

“Well, he can explain it himself,” Stephen hums.

Peter _squeaks_ , as Steve and Stephen cross their arms.

_The Mother-Hens have Arrived…_

“So what’s this about someone picking on you?” Stephen asks, “You quite literally locked yourself up to try and dodge us.”

“Woah! How’d you tell?!” Ned asks, looking up at Stephen.

“His foot scraped mud on the base of his locker, and if he’d been there shortly before we entered the building, there isn’t anywhere else he could hide, but the bathroom ‒ but we would have seen him enter there, after all.”

Peter _groans_.

“Congrats, Sherlock…” he grumbles, knowing Stephen already has that smug, egotistical smirk on his face…

However.

“You get picked on,” Steve states.

“It’s just some stuff that’s being said, n-nothing big!” Peter says, “C-come on! If you’re meeting with my teachers, aren’t you meant to meet with my teachers?!”

Both mother hens continued clucking about things as they went on, from Peter hiding to why people wouldn’t believe them about Peter’s internship. Steve had already handled the Parent-Teacher talks already, when Aunt May had to move to San Francisco for work, so he’d already had to deal with Peter’s teachers before…

But now _Stephen_ was there.

Aka: _The Lie-Detector Wizard_ who could _tell_ what people really felt just by how their _hands_ or _eyebrows_ were.

Like, seriously! Why is ~~Pa~~ _Stephen_ so darn _smart_! Peter bets that, if his Dads were to actually plan together, they could take over the entire world on Dad-energy alone!

(And don’t tell Steve, Stephen and Tony that he thinks of them as his dads as he’s _already_ had this conversation with Ned and FRIDAY and it’s _embarrassing_ , _OK?!_ )

 

**3: Atop Natasha’s Bookshelf**

When Natasha returned to her room, she did _not_ expect to see something _move_ in the slim gap between the ceiling and the top of her bookshelf.

So, of course, she threw the nearest thing on hand at whatever it was, before registering what it was.

Peter catches the blade from her book with the biggest look of horror she has _ever_ seen.

“ _Peter_!” she yells, though that only just has him dropping the blade and flattening himself further against the bookcase, clutching something in his hand.

She takes a breath, already seeing he looks extremely uncomfortable; she does _not_ want to make her little shchenok cry.

“Why are you in my room?” she asks.

Peter looks really guilty, though she walks over and holds her hands up.

“Come on, I’ll help you down,” she says.

Meekly, like a scared puppy-spider, Peter comes down, clinging to the cupboard until both his feet are on the ground, whatever’s in his hand clutched tight, though not tight enough to break it.

She holds a hand out, and Peter carefully hands the object back.

It’s her nail varnish. The silver-pearls one.

“You know I could let you borrow this whenever, as long as I know why, right?” she says, sighing.

Peter has his eyes on the floor, ears red, yet eyes wet.

“I…” he starts fiddling with his fingers, “It’s pretty…”

“Did anyone dare you or…” Natasha starts, though she drifts off as she finally gets a proper look at his nails, which were well taken care of, a light layer of clear nail varnish already on them.

“No one dared me,” Peter says, voice soft.

Natasha quietly pulls him into a hug.

“You could ask FRIDAY to order some for you? Or ask one of us directly?” she says.

Peter half-shrugs.

“I used to play with my Aunt’s make up, it’s fun, but then people started saying I was gay and emo and stuff, when I’m _not_ gay, nor am I an emo, or trans, even though those people are _so cool_ themselves…” Peter peeks up at Natasha, “B-besides, it’s not like I could… Because everyone’s so _manly_ , y’know? I-I know I could use the fact I’m a teen, but I’m _almost_ an adult a-and it’s‒”

“Do you know Tony’s dressed up in full drag before?”

Peter’s head snaps up at Natasha’s comment, eyes wide.

“W-what?”

“Yeah, I also dared Steve into designing a weeks worth of make-up designs for me because Clint and Tony were commenting on how realistic it looks. We wanted to know if he could do that kind of stuff and he did. Then he went one step further and actually painted it on, after an hour of watching YouTube videos and talking to Pepper and one of the secretaries downstairs. I don’t think any of us really care about that kind of stuff.”

Peter stares at her, hope and worry widening his eyes and pouting his lips a little.

She has to hug him again.

God _damn_ it! Usually she’d beat up whoever invaded her room and Peter was too much of a cute shchenok for that!

“How about we go over what make up you already have and I can help you with coming up with a way to get comfy with wearing it around the others.”

Peter’s face lights up.

 _God damn it if anyone so much as_ giggles _at her shchenok they’re_ dead!

 

**4: In a kitchen cupboard over the counter**

Clint stumbles into the kitchen, having woken up from his post-mission nap: he’d had to do a job through the night and now he just wanted enough coffee and biscuits to get him through to a reasonable sleeping hour.

He gets the first part started.

But when he opens the cupboard over the counter to get his biscuits, he find peter curled up, knees tucked into his chest, a bag of chips open in one hand.

Both pause, registering each other’s presence, before Peter just _closes the cupboard again_.

Clint stares at it for a moment, before a familiar “is Peter hiding in here?” comes from the doorway.

It’s Ned.

…

“I am officially too tired for this,” Clint grumbles, pouring out his finally-brewed coffee, before retreating back towards his room.

Though when he sees Stephen and Bruce heading towards the kitchen themselves…

“You know Peter’s chowing down a full pack of doritos?” he grumbles, “Biscuits cupboard.”

Stephen’s pace speeds up, as Bruce just stops in his tracks, watching Stephen.

Clint thinks he hears Bruce say “oh dear”, but he just wants to drink his body weight in coffee or sleep, whichever came first…

 

**5: The Back of the Couch**

Peter tries to hide his giggle as his and Loki’s plan goes off.

Quite literally.

Rhodey and Brunnhilde had sat on the couch and, setting off two whoopie-cushions, glitter-and-water balloons, hidden by another of Loki’s illusion spells, burst _all over them_.

Rhodey leaps to his feet, yelling as Valkyrie just seems to be frozen for a moment, before slowly looking at the popped balloons, before looking around the room.

Peter’s giggles _freeze_ when he realises _she’s noticed him_.

And, _oh shit_ , he can’t get up!

He pauses when she’s standing right over him, multicoloured glitter held in place by the water soaking her clothes.

It’s still funny.

But it’s also terrifying.

 _Oh boy_.

 

Rhodey crosses his arms as Valkyrie pulls the pillows on an opposite couch away, revealing a giggly, slightly-terrified Peter.

“Uh… Don’t kill me?!” Peter squeaks, voice cracking partway through.

Rhodey is both furious, but also curious and slightly worried; he did _not_ want to have to explain to Tony why Peter has some gaping wound in him.

But it seems Valkyrie has a different idea, grabbing Peter by his ankle, crashing him into‒

 _Loki_?!

Both the God and boy fall on a different couch, before Valkyrie has flopped on top of them, pinning them both in place as she starts to _viciously tickle_ Peter.

Grinning, Rhodey creeps closer…

Before grabbing Peter and dumping him on what remains of the ruined couch, rubbing glittery-water into Peter’s hair and clothes, cackling at Peter’s squeals for mercy.

“It’s gunna be _years_ before you can get away with any pranks on _me_ , short-stack!” he crows, “And guess who’s telling Tony!”

“Nope, no!” Peter manages between squeals, “ _Rhodey_!”

 

**+1: The Principal’s Office’s Ceiling**

Peter had been drying from the bathroom when the intruder alarm sounded, announcing the school on lockdown.

So, of course, Peter did the first thing that came to mind.

He climbed into the vents and pressed the panic button on his watch.

Crawling through the building, he’d gotten into the corridor, when he’d heard the alarm getting shut off.

He’d paused as he heard the speakers throughout the school turn on.

“Your suit was tracked and I know your here, Spiderman. You have ten minutes, or I will have my men smash into each and every classroom, search the bags of every student, and hold their lives in the name of my Accords, alright?”

Peter knows Thaddius Ross’ voice anywhere, but no way is he letting others get hurt.

So, he’s going to get to Principal Morita’s office…

But _damn it_! His suit’s in his bag! People are gunna know!

Peter heads for the office, anyway: Morita would at least be able to hide his identity, if push came to shove, or at least help him make a decision.

But, just as he gets there, he hears movement.

Peter _freezes_ , not wanting to be caught.

For a horrible moment, there’s silence.

The speakers crackle to life, as he hears the person below pressing the button.

“Hey,” Steve says, “Spiderman contacted us when things started and Dr Strange helped us get here. The Avengers have officially caught Ross and some of his goons. If the rest don’t stand down, we will not be held accountable for our actions.”

Peter’s body turns to jelly, letting out a breath.

The speakers click off, as Peter finally knocks on the ceiling.

A moment later, Vision floats up.

Peter squeaks at the expression of quiet disapproval.

“Peter, why are you in the ceiling?” he asks.

Peter lets out a breath.

“I was one minute away from giving myself up,” he says.

“Wanda and I will help you down,” Vision nods.

The ceiling opens up, Wanda breaking it open as Vision stops Peter from falling through, before carefully helping him down.

Steve’s face goes from grim, to shocked, then disapproving.

“Peter?” he frowns, crossing his arms.

“I have a hall pass?” Peter says, indicating the sign hooked around his neck as Wanda pulls him into a hug.

Steve lets out a slow breath.

“Tony had a _fit_ when your panic alarm went off and _you weren’t in your classroom_. I know it was Ross, but you should have returned to your classroom or hidden in a bathroom stall. Tony was _very close_ to punching someone.”

Peter nods, eyes going to his feet.

“ _PETER_!”

There’s the sound of repulsors, before Peter’s finding himself being crushed in metal-coated arms, a familiar goatee digging into his neck.

“What the _fuck_ , kid?! How the _hell_ did he find you?!” Tony says, checking Peter over.

“Uh‒”

“Just be glad none of Ross’ men actually got into your classroom, that Physics teacher of yours is _awesome_.”

“Mr Stark‒”

“And _ROSS_ of all people! He’s the _WORST_ ‒”

“ _Mr Stark_!” Peter finally snaps, snapping Tony out of his tirade, “I-I’m fine! I was in the ceiling a-and I’m really happy that you’re here, _really_ , but I kind of have class‒”

“They’re letting everyone go home early,” Rhodey says, striding in, “He’s doing that from the reception office after hearing you were in here without your suit; he doesn't want you in anymore trouble.”

“Morita?!” Steve asks, “Like James “Jim” Morita?!”

“He’s just through there, y’know,” Rhodey says, voice flat.

Steve’s face lights up, Peter letting out a groan.

“ _Pops…_ ” he grumbles, before realising Tony probably heard what he said…

“Did you…”

“Oh, _heck_ no!”

**Author's Note:**

> shchenok = puppy, fyi.  
> (Nat would definately call him a Puppy. It's either Kitten or Puppy and Peter could be that cute bumper-car-stage-kitten, but he's more floofy-puppy-boy, like Ned XD)


End file.
